Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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