You're my little dorito
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
