i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
