Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
