I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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