You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
