Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
