that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
