My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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