I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
