my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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