All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
