HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
