don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
