Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
