So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
