I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
