he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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