I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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