Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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