I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
