Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
