i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
