I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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