So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Let's paint friendship bongs
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
