my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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