just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
