Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
