She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
