Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
it's like heaven, but drunker
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
