if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
