he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
