Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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