She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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