Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
