i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
