Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
You can't motorboat a personality
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
