i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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