first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
