The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
