Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
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