if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
