If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
