Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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