I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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