Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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