@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
