After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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