Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
