What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
