I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
