Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
