So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
